Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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