Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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