I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
