and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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