I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize