i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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