I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
