His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
