hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
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Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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