so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
