Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
