I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
