Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
