I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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