First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
