Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
