I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
