While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
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The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
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how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize