I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
