he wants to bone in the snuggie
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
