i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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