sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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