some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
