well you can't waste a boner
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
