and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
do nipples grow back?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
