Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
