no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
