he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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