i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
