Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
