if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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