Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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