sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
