I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Vodka?
Forever.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
