i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
