What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
