I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
