All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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