How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
