He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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