I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
