youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize