clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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