also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
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I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
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We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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