I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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