I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dick very happy bro
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
