i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
