My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
