i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
