shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
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I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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