He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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