I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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