I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
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You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
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This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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