Swine flu. Run for my life!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
