Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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