As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize