he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
