I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize