so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
