so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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