Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
