That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
