Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
