they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
