Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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