How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
