So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
