I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
