you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize