he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
