The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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