Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just tell him i said nine months
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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