You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
